I guess I've been taking a break from my blog.

We've been very busy all summer, but apparently with little activity that is blog-worthy.

I'm taking a short mental health break and then I'll post with an update of some things we have been doing. With lots of pictures.

Wordless Wednesday

clean floors and empty toy boxes

The other day, I walked into the boys' room to put something away and was surprised to see this:

The last time I had looked in, there were toys all over the floor. It even appeared like they tried to make their beds.

I called them in and asked, "You guys cleaned your room?" "Yes!" they said smiling. "You picked up all of your toys?" I asked. "Yes!" they said again, proudly, and ran back to the living room.

I looked at the toy boxes, and they seemed to still be a little empty. So, I pulled back the blankets and found this:

and this:

So, I guess the shove-it-all-under-the-bed-and-cover-it-up method just comes naturally?

it is an ordinary moment

I was reading a "suspense thriller"* a while back and the main character was talking about watching his young daughter telling a story.

He says, "I got hit with that overwhelming feeling. It sneaked up on me. Parents get it from time to time. You are looking at your child and it is an ordinary moment, not like they are onstage or hitting a winning shot, just sitting there, and you look at them and you know that they are your whole life and that moves you and scares you and makes you want to stop time."

I sat and read that paragraph 3 or 4 times. "Exactly!" That's exactly how I feel so many times. We are going about our every day lives, and one or both of my boys will do the most ordinary thing and it just stops me. I think it is the cutest, funniest, smartest or most adorable thing he could be doing at the time, but really, its nothing special. But it makes me fall in love even more and makes me want to stay in the moment and never let them grow into bigger boys and never ever into (gasp!) men!

The ordinary moments that make me want to stop time are when...

Reagan does his fake snore when he should be sleeping and knows I'm coming to check on him.

Kiefer makes his piggy sound and uses his whole face.

Both boys come to me to kiss boo-boos, and it really does make them feel better.

Reagan takes his shoes off and shoves a sock in each one and lines them up on the floor.

Kiefer gives me a hug and wraps his legs around me and hangs like a monkey.

Both boys say "thank you, Mommy" without my prompting.

Kiefer says "Hold me, mommy" when I put him to bed.

Reagan holds his last bite of lunch in his mouth until his head hits the pillow for naptime.

Kiefer sleeps with his hands behind his head.

Reagan looks at me with this look like I am the greatest person he knows and like he will love me forever.

These ordinary things remind me that the boys are my life and it moves me and scares me and makes me want to stop time.

*Harlan Coben's The Woods

I'm neglecting my blog and I'm trying to stop.

But these boys are keeping me so busy, at the end of the day, I just want to plop.

They are still being funny, silly, and cute.

And are giving me a lot more memories to keep now that they are no longer mute.

So I will try to do better at not letting my blog go dark.

For now, enjoy some pictures from our family fun at the splash park*.

*in Ankeny, during our trip at the end of May. Yikes, I am being neglectful!

Wordless Wednesday

Donnie trained for 10 weeks for his first 20K race, the Dam to Dam, in Des Moines.  The whole family went downtown to support him and my sister-in-law, Nikki, who also ran for the first time.  

We underestimated the crowds (although we knew there were 9,000 runners between the 20K and 5K) and got there just in time to miss him cross this:

He was very happy with his time and looked as though he had just taken a stroll. If only he'd been a little slower, we would have seen him raise him arms as he crossed the finish line!

Before we knew he already crossed, the family was hot and tired, but excited to see both finish. Well, except the kids. They were just hot and tired.  

But Kiefer was happy when he got to play with Daddy's medal. 

And Reagan helped Daddy celebrate, too.

And then he looked for Aunt Nikki (whom we also missed finish! We are poor spectators!)

And as a special post-race treat?  Gatorade and oyster shooters.  Mmm. Mmm. Good. 

(Seriously, I'm so proud of Donnie. I wasn't sure about only giving himself 10 weeks- from 2 miles to 12+miles. But he did it and did it better than even I thought he would.  We decided before that he would train for this one and then I would train for one in the fall, but now he thinks he wants to train for a full marathon in the fall. The endorphins have had to have worn off from Saturday by now, so I think he's serious. Hmmm...)

Wordless Pizza Wednesday

(In case you noticed the blueish mark on Reagan's head- its paint. Not a bruise)

"Daddy stay home. Mommy go work"

Today started a new routine for Team Duntley. The boys' Mom's Day Out/Preschool program ended last Thursday for the summer.  I will still be working at the school 2 days a week throughout most of the summer, so Donnie will be staying home one morning a week with the boys. Aunt Kirsten, aka "KiKi," will be coming once a week also.   

I took some pictures on our way out the door last Thursday.   

Notice the height difference.  Reagan's got a good inch on Kiefer now.  

I wanted to take a picture by the car, so I said "Hey guys. Stand right here and let me take a picture."  So, instead they take off for a lap around the car. 

Reagan in the lead, Kiefer close behind. 

Coming around for the finish. 

"Okay, guys. NOW stand right here so I can try for a picture." 

"Okay, never mind. I probably have enough." 

Kiefer shouts "Hallelujah!"  and they head for their seats. 

And my last attempt at the church. At least you can see them dragging their puppies with them for naptime. 

Hey, Grandpa!

It's been a year since the doc fixed your heart.  Here's to another year! And another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year,and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year, and another year..... 

I love you. With all of my heart. 

Conversations with Reagan Andrew

After arriving home from having dinner with friends, about 20 minutes after bedtime, I asked Donnie if he thought the boys were asleep so I could check on them. He said it was risky and I said I'd take the chance.  He added "I forgot to get their puppies out of the car and they didn't say anything." (They've slept with their puppies every night since Christmas '07 when they got them from Gma Nancy.)  

I went to sneak some kisses, and the following conversation took place:

Me: kiss Reagan on the cheek because he appears sound asleep

Reagan: opens eyes wide "Mommy, where dog?" 

Me: "Here, baby. Here's your dino. And your monkey. And your fish."

Reagan: "Where dog?"

Me: "I don't think its in here." 

Reagan: sitting up "Brudder! Brudder dog!"

Me: "Brother doesn't have your dog. I'll go find it." leaving the room. 

Me: back with the dog from the car, "Here, baby."

Reagan: "Tain tu, Mommy."

Me: "You're welcome, Reagan."

Reagan:  hugging his dog and rolling over, "Night night, dog. Night night, Mommy."

* * *

About 3 hours later, Reagan fell out of bed with a loud thump and a shrill cry. (This only happens about 1-2 a month now, just in case you needed an update).  

Here's the conversation about it this morning at breakfast: 

me: "Ray, did you fall out of bed last night?"

Reagan: pointing to his head "Hurt head" 

me: "It hurt your head?" 

Reagan: nodding his head, "Brudder push me." 

me: laughing "Brother did not push you. He was sound asleep."

Reagan: "Brudder push me. Brudder did it." 

Happy Mommy's Day (guest bloggers)

Dear Mommy,

We love you so much! You are the most loving, patient, kind, caring, thoughtful, generous Mommy we could ever hope to have. We love how you read us lots of books, make us delicious pb&j sandwiches, pick out cool clothes for us to wear and smile at us all day long.

We love how you climb into bed with us at night, tuck us in before you go to bed and make Daddy comfort us if we wake up. We love how you laugh when we're being silly, laugh when we're being naughty, and laugh until you cry when we're being precious. 

You take us to the zoo, take us to the park and take us to play at the mall. You color with us, paint with us and play Play-Doh with us. Because of you, we want for nothing and are so happy!

You are the love of our lives and we're so proud to call you our Mommy.

Happy Mommy's Day!

Love, Kiefer Bug and Reagan Man (and Daddy)

Dear Dad, 

I wish that you could actually read this. I wish that I wasn't just writing this to process these emotions that I have and struggle dealing with.  

I wish that you could read this blog so you could keep up with my life, and my boys' lives. 

And I wish that after 11 years, this would get a little easier. But it hasn't. In fact, I think it has gotten harder. Its harder because of these two boys that bring me so much joy and so much meaning to my life. Its harder because you don't know them, and they will never know you.  

I will make sure they know who you were, but that just doesn't seem good enough. Its not good enough that someone else will take them on their first fishing trip. Its not good enough that you won't get to do any of the Grandpa things that I know you would have loved so much.  

Its harder because you weren't able to be Grandpa to my boys, but you were never able to be Grandpa at all. Bailey turned 10 yesterday, and you were never able to hold her. Hannah never got to "pull your finger." Carson never got to sit down and watch a football game with you. Olivia will never get to play Doctor with you. 

I wish that I didn't have to write these things here, I wish you were here to see them. 

I wish you knew that your grandson, Reagan, is the sweetest boy there ever was. I wish you could look at his baby pictures side-by-side with your baby pictures and see how he favors you. I wish you could hear him sing and whistle, because I know you would whistle right along. 

I wish you knew that your grandson, Kiefer, is the funniest kid around. I wish you could look at his toddler pictures side-by-side with your toddler pictures and see how he favors you. I wish you could hear him laugh and laugh right along.

I wish you knew how stubborn they both were, because you'd laugh at me and tell me its paybacks. 

I wish they could sit on your lap. Give you hugs. Play hide and seek with you. I wish you could take them to the lake. Take them to a game. 

But you can't. And that's why it keeps getting harder. Because you never will.

And more than anything, I wish I could sit on your lap. Give you hugs. I wish you could take me

to the lake. Take me to a game. 

But you can't. 

I love you and I always will. 

Andi 

No. Big boy.

Donnie once said something like, "Everyone said how fast they grow, but I didn't know this is what they meant." Like, all the sudden we have these KIDS. Big kids. Big enough, that when I said the other day to Reagan, "Come here, baby boy." He replied, "No. Big boy." 

I wouldn't say it has bothered me just yet, how fast the time seems to be passing. I've always explained, that I sort of looked forward to the next step, the growing up. Because quite frankly, I knew the older they got, the easier it got. (I know, I use the term "easier" quite lightly. But anything is easier to me than those first six months. So that's what I'm basing my theory on.) 

But I am sort of struggling with the fact that I don't have babies anymore. I have kids that tell me what they want to wear, and what they want to eat. And kids that go and get their own tissues to blow their own noses. And take off their clothes by themselves and climb into the bathtub by themselves. And kids that are too stubborn to apologize for hitting their brother. And kids that can almost get in and out of their own car seats (and they are really high up there). And kids that can play outside, on their own, only being supervised through the window. And kids that know that the sky is blue but tell me its pink just to be funny. 

I do miss their baby stages sometimes. But I have about 1900 pictures and hours of video to help me reminisce. Really, I look forward more to what is ahead. Getting to know their personalities as they form.  Finding out what they will look like. Watching them grow closer as brothers, and hopefully BFFs (Grandpa, that's an acronym for Best Friend Forever). Cheering at the first soccer game. Taking off the training wheels. Etc, etc.  But until then, I will oblige when one of them wants me to climb in bed with them at naptime. Or snuggle just another 5 minutes on the couch. Or carry them to the car when I really wish they would walk. Because, before I know it, I'll be begging them to stop growing up. 

Wordless Wednesday's Play by Play

(Don't you just wanna kiss that mouth full of Hershey's Kiss?!)

Easter Baskets

A highlight from our Easter weekend with my family...

Kiefer and Reagan waiting for their Easter baskets...

Diggin' in... notice Reagan's mouth is already full. He spotted a escapee Jelly Bean right away.

Checkin' out the goods...

kiefer allen.

the love of my life. 

your dimple makes me want to kiss your face. 

all day. 

your laugh makes me laugh. 

out loud. 

every day. 

you crack yourself up. 

and everyone else.

your zest for life, for adventure, is inspiring. 

and tiring :) 

you love your brother and want him to be happy. 

you give the best bear hugs. 

so I hear. 

because they are reserved for daddy and brother.

but I get perfect kisses, fish kisses, and blown kisses.

I look at you and I can't imagine a day without you. 

without your hugs. 

your kisses. 

your unconditional love. 

you want to open the door for everyone. 

and close it. 

and open it again. 

you are strong willed and independent. 

and soft hearted and passionate. 

kiefer allen. 

you are the love of my life. 

reagan andrew.

the love of my life.

your eyes literally twinkle.

your smile makes me smile. 

every time.

the way you take care of your brother shows me 

that you are such a good person. 

bringing him his doggy. 

grabbing his hand when he falls. 

you have a heart that wants to help. 

love. 

care. 

you love music and are a fantastic whistler. 

clapper. 

dancer. 

singer. 

I look at you and I can't imagine a day without you. 

without your hugs. 

your kisses. 

your unconditional love. 

I laugh at your stubborn streak.

because I know where it comes from.

and it will get you in trouble. 

and serve you well at the same time.

you have a silly side that makes me laugh out loud. 

every day.

reagan andrew. 

you are the love of my life.  

(sort of) Worldless Wednesday

(these are from my parents' visit over Spring Break. On about day 3, Reagan realized he loved "ma's dogs" and the rest of the week we heard "see dogs" or "hold dogs.")